Books For Blasphemers: The New Testament (Part Three)

on Thursday, August 5, 2010
Great, just when I thought I had a handle on it all they had to go and scare the beJesus out of me:


Though reading it all is a burden
Bit players here do get a word in
While it goes on for ages
Most have less than four pages
Still they're strictly for dogmatic nerdin'

(* Yes, I get that this is a massive cop out but seriously, who cares about the schmoes pickin' up the pieces after the main guy got done in? Brevity is a virtue folks. It's like when an author hits the big time and their editors are too scared to tell them they need to cut back. Yeah, I'm looking at you Rowling... )


So we close with what John has foretold
Of the seals that break ending the world
Six six six is the number
For pillage and plunder*
What a horrible sight to behold

Not content with the old hocus pocus
It's got dragons, and horsemen and locusts
And the macabre dance**
Had me filling my pants
Smarten up, He has put you on notice!

(* It is also the inspiration for a darn fine Iron maiden album upon which I had hoped to heap props in the body of the poem. Alas Number of The Beast, you have been relegated to the footnotes.)
(** A message to those stuffy types who might choose to pronounce this word "daaaaahhhnce". Get with program. It's pronounced "dants" and rhymes with "pants". Which, is very handy in this particular instance.)

And that, dear friends brings an end to The New Testament. Next up, The Qur'an... Hmmm... How to approach this tactfully?


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