Books For Blasphemers: The New Testament (Part One)

Apart from The Empire Strikes back, no sequel has ever surpassed the original. Turns out this precedent was set early on, giving it the designation of holy edict. Witness:

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MATTHEW

Jesus went wheelin' and dealin'
With parables, magic and healin'
From up on the mount
Kumbaya he did shout
Spinning crap hippies like to be hearin'

But his talk pissed off priests and Pharisees*
And Herod and Pilate were not pleased
But to show who was boss
When he died on the cross
He unleashed a whole legion of zombies**

(* Again I ask for you to indulge me and, for the sake of the rhyme, pronounce the word "Pha-ra-sees" in equal measures.)
(** For those who question my interpretation, I refer you to Matthew 27:52 and 53.)

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARK

So now let's hear the story again
From another of Jesus's friends
Not that much has changed
He is hailed then betrayed
And they still nail him up at the end