Books For Blasphemers: The New Testament (Part Two)

Well, I managed to round out the Gospels last night. Hope nobody takes too much offences, I'm just calling it as I see it:

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO LUKE

I'm sorry it's getting absurd
Of the story this version's the third
Though it starts off with John
While his head is still on*
It moves swiftly to Jesus's word

With some loaves and fish thousands are fed
And a young girl is raised from the dead
Oh, and this is the one
With the Samaritan
And there's still one more version ahead

(* It took me forever to put this tastefully...)

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JOHN

The first thing I learnt back at law school
No witness can have total recall
So I'm getting suspicious
That some parts near fictitious
Or are at least amplified to enthral

And yet this is the one most internal
Of his chats with his friends it's a journal
Starting off esoteric
It is far less generic
And the message most warm and paternal

From water the wine freely did spout
And Mary proved herself most devout
Next up cue the surprises
When Lazaruses rises
But then end with an Almighty cop out*

(* I'm sorry if this comes across as heretical, but for me John 21:25 simply does not cut it. "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them was written, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written". That translates to me as "I have evidence. Trust me, I'm a lawyer.")